Influencer Culture and Toxic Relationships: Spotting Red Flags Online

Written by Emily Arismendy

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Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (TDVAM) is a time to reflect on the ways unhealthy relationship behaviors can manifest, particularly for young people. Social media has given us unprecedented access to influencers and celebrities, often shaping our understanding of relationships. But not all the behaviors we see online should be considered healthy or normal. In fact, influencer culture can sometimes glorify toxic relationship patterns that can be harmful if left unchecked.

How Social Media Normalizes Unhealthy Relationship Behaviors

Many influencers share aspects of their personal relationships, whether through vlogs, TikTok trends, or Instagram stories. While some are positive examples of love and respect, others showcase problematic behaviors that get dismissed as “couple goals” or “just jokes.” These portrayals can shape our perception of what’s acceptable in a relationship, making it crucial to recognize red flags when they appear.

Public Shaming

It’s never okay to humiliate or degrade a partner online. Whether it’s making fun of them for not responding quickly, exposing private arguments, or calling them out over small disagreements, publicly shaming a partner fosters humiliation and disrespect. Healthy relationships prioritize private and respectful conflict resolution, not public entertainment at a partner’s expense.

Consent

Social media often glorifies surprise gestures or relationship “tests” that involve pushing boundaries. Recording and posting pranks that make a partner uncomfortable, forcing someone into an interaction they didn’t agree to, or sharing personal moments without permission all violate consent. Respect and mutual agreement should always be at the core of a healthy relationship.

Joking About Abuse

Some influencers make light of toxic behaviors, joking about controlling partners, “playfully” hitting each other, or normalizing jealousy as a sign of love. This type of content trivializes real abuse and makes it harder for survivors to recognize mistreatment. Abuse is never entertainment, and any form of physical, emotional, or verbal harm should be taken seriously.

Every Relationship is Different

Just because one couple thrives on constant social media interactions doesn’t mean every relationship should function the same way. Some influencers push narratives like “if they love you, they’ll always text back immediately” or “if they don’t post you, they’re hiding something.” These blanket statements ignore the reality that relationships are unique, and expectations should be discussed openly between partners instead of being dictated by online trends.

Social media can make it seem like every couple has minor arguments but ultimately stays happy. While no relationship is flawless, there’s a difference between normal challenges and ongoing mistreatment. If a relationship regularly leaves you feeling anxious, controlled, or disrespected, it’s important to step back and evaluate whether it’s truly healthy. Just because some toxic behaviors are normalized online doesn’t mean they should be tolerated in real life. A relationship should be a source of support and comfort, not stress and fear.

What Can I Do?

Think critically about the relationship behaviors you see online. Not everything labeled as “normal” or “funny” should be acceptable in real life.

Talk to your partner about expectations, boundaries, and what feels healthy for both of you. Don’t let influencer culture dictate how your relationship should look.

Trust your instincts. If something feels off, dismissing it because you saw it online doesn’t make it okay.

Seek support if needed. If you or someone you know is experiencing an unhealthy or abusive relationship, reach out to trusted friends, family, or an organization for help.

By being mindful of the messages we consume on social media, we can better recognize the difference between healthy relationships and toxic trends. No matter how popular a behavior may seem online, respect, trust, and communication should always be the foundation of a healthy relationship.

Expect Respect works to promote healthy relationships and prevent violence and abuse among children and teens.

If you’ve experienced an unwanted sexual encounter, dating or domestic violence, or sex trafficking, contact SAFE for free resources and specialized care through the confidential, 24-hour SAFEline. Call: 512–267–SAFE (7233), Text: 737–888–7233, or Chat: safeaustin.org/chat.